The Whole Love Thing

Valentine’s Day, the day that is set aside to honor the one that you love, is coming up. Recently, I had the opportunity to have a deep, but short, conversation with my two daughters, Tabby and Lexi, who happen to be 8 and 6 years old. You see, all summer I had heard statements like, “I’m going to marry this boy” or “That boy is my boyfriend and I love him,” etc. At first, I would gently and quietly tell the girls that they were too young to think of such things and I would leave it alone, so as not to make a mountain out of a molehill. But as time went on others would feed the situation with talk about boyfriends and liking boys. I began to see that my girls’ hearts were beginning to be diverted from the truth.

It was time to act. So, while folding laundry one afternoon together I decided to tackle this issue. “Girls,” I said, “did you know that God has one special person in the world that He has created just for you to marry?” Their heads popped up, they looked at each other and giggled. I went on. “Did you know that there is one special boy out there right now that is being raised just for you and that he is your perfect match?” More giggles. “Nooo,” they said. “Let’s think about this,” I said. “If God has someone special out there just for you and you don’t know who it is, maybe these boys that you like right now are someone else’s husband! (I gasped at this point for dramatic effect). Now their looks were serious. For further emphasis, I said, “How do you think Dad would feel if some other man came up to me and said, “Robin, I love you, I want to marry you?” “Oh,” said Lex (with a “how awful for Dad” look on her face), “that would make Dad really sad!”

With great patience and a hint of disgust, Tabby sighed and said, “Lexi, Dad would not be sad! He would beat him up!!” Sober faces turned to me, “Mom, is God mad at us because of what we said? We didn’t know. Are you and Dad mad?” I smiled. “Nobody’s mad girls, but now you know that God has someone special for you. He’s growing up and learning what he needs to know to be a good husband and father. You are learning how to be a good wife and mother. And the first thing that a good wife and mother need to learn is “being in Jesus.” Tabby smiled back. “We’re learning that right now aren’t we, Mom? We learn that everyday with you.” “That’s right, Tab,” I said, “and one day, when you’re grown, God is going to say “O.K. it’s time to show Tabby who she’s going to marry. She knows her position in Me and she’s quite the little powerhouse. She’ll make a great wife for this young man.” Tabby giggled and Lexi piped up, “what about me? Will I be a powerhouse, too? Will I get married when Tabby does?” (Lexi thinks that God did her a disservice by making her the baby of the family). I laughed. “Lex, you’ll be a powerhouse too, but I doubt that you’ll get married the same time Tab does. She is two years older than you.” Lexi giggled and looked at Tabby who also started to giggle.

The Father has shown me how to give the girls a higher goal than the here and now. Their conversations are now filled with how much their future husbands will like how they bake, or fold laundry, or dust, etc. Their focus is back on being hidden in Jesus and doing what He has for them to do – not what everyone around them thinks they should do.

It’s a heart issue. If you go back up and re-read the conversation that I had with my girls, I did not tell them that they could not have a boyfriend or that having a boyfriend was bad or wrong. Instead, I gave them another way to look at life – a different goal. They are the ones who changed the way they viewed boys. Now there is a freedom in them to just be friends with boys, not competition to have a boy or fight with another girl over a boy. Why? Because their heavenly Father already has the right young man picked out for them and they don’t need to concern themselves with that. Now some of you may be saying, “That’s fine for those with younger children, but I have teens who are looking forward to or are already dating/courting. How do I change their goals?”

Years ago, I got into a conversation with a teen who was frustrated with her parents because they didn’t like her boyfriend. She was serious about this boy; in fact, she wanted to marry him. As she was pouring out her feelings to me on the subject, I was asking the Lord what to tell her. He reminded me of something that my own dad had told me to do as a teen. When she finished, I looked at her and said, “You know that your parents love you and only want what’s best for you.” She nodded. “But,” I said, “in the long run, the only opinion that really matters here is yours. If you are as serious about this boy as you say you are, you are the one that will be living with him, having children with him, building a home with him, etc. Your parents will be on the outside looking in. God has a special young man for you that may or may not be him. God has already put on the inside of you what you like and dislike in a man. So tonight, go home and make a list of what kind of man you want to marry. Be specific! Start with what he looks like, where you want to live, how you want him to treat you and treat your kids. Do you want to farm or live in the city? Do not make this list according to the young man that you are dating now -  and be honest with yourself.” That is all I told her.

A few years later, after this young lady was married, we happened to be at a meeting together and she told me that she went home that night and stayed up really late making her list. When she was finished, she started to cry because she realized that the man she was with just didn’t measure up to what was on the inside of her. She didn’t break up with him right away, but it wasn’t long after that. She said that every time she was with him, the list tore down the image of him she had in her heart until there was nothing left. This young lady is now married to her perfect match, has a little one and is very happy. Because of the list? No, because God gave her a goal, a bigger picture – He gave her freedom!

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” (KJV) This verse means not only to guard what you put into your heart but also who you give it to. God has placed in each of us as parents the anointing to raise the children that He has given us. In that anointing, is the creative power to deal with each child individually. The things that I have written are suggestions. They are not law. You must get with the Father on each individual circumstance and He will show you what to do, what to say, how to change the path that your children are on. (He has placed His Spirit in you. You have the mind of Christ right now. You are hidden in Him; draw on that anointing). Teach your children that God desires to guard and protect what will someday be a precious gift to their spouse. Your children will be able to trust the Lord with their “love life” only after they understand their position in Christ first. If you as a parent want to get “hung up” on something, get “hung up” on that! Then on some future February 14, they will truly have something to celebrate and so will your grandchildren.

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